The Atenveldt Secret Weapon
Chronicles of the Dreiburgen Light Horse.
The Atenveldt Secret Weapon
Editors Note: This article written by Mornay of Anglesey was originally written and published in the DN back around A.S. XXIII (give or take a year) it was inspired by The MASS EXODUS he witnessed at Potrero War on a Sunday morning following a light rain that fell on Saturday night.
On a recent small sally along the Dreiburgen river marches, a strange and foreboding incident occurred to one of our riders who shall, for good and sufficient reason, be nameless. ‘Twas the night of the full moon and our man was checking out a theory that this type of night might be more hazardous to sheep. Instead, he found a hopelessly entrapped man beyond all reach of rescue in the sucking sands of the St. Anne. Dismounting, he gingerly approached the edge of this sinister tarn to have speech with the victim. The fast sinking man claimed that a strange enchantment had rendered a solid, safe trail into a quicksand glory hole… but more of this in a later report.
On learning that he was in Dreiburgen inside the borders of Caid, the doomed fellow claimed that he was a member of the CIA (which we all know stands for the CAIDAN INFORMATION ACQUISITION team). His mission had been to spy on a certain “Kingdom to the East” of Caid. While engaged on this undertaking he learned of a dread new secret weapon now being forged as a result of their wizards calling up an Elemental. This power informed them of a mortal weakness in the populace and armies of their rival, Caid. So saying, he tossed a pouch to our chevalier imploring him to raise the alarm throughout Caid before “it was too late!”
Perusal of the report contained within our lost hero’s leathern pouch revealed that, according to this Elemental, a certain most powerful and corrosive fluid would, when sprayed on the Caidan pavilions, cause our armies to strike their tents and ignominiously flee! This potent potion, now known to their wizards by the arcane name of “Dihydrogen Oxyd” or possibly “Hydrogen Hydroxide” (they seem uncertain which is correct). However that may be, they inscribe it cabalistically in their spells as H2O.
As this is printed, forges are at work to the East fashioning metal bottles with Archimedian screws to force the deadly fluid through the multiple nozzles at the far end of the tubular conduits mounted on top these bottles. Our CIA man reported that just before dawn their men will creep into the Caidan encampment and screw…er, ah…that is, pump, this corrosive fluid (which they claim is the most powerful solvent on Earth) all over our pavilions. When this liquid patters down upon our tents and insidiously seeps inside to fall upon our brave men, ALL their courage, wisdom, and determination will melt like snow in the Dreiburgen sun.
Nor is this a mere wizard’s tale; for their Court, wishing to ascertain the truth, sent spies to a recent all-Caidan war and, at first hand, witnessed the mighty power of this fluid. Strangely enough, it seemingly affects only those of our populace actually born in Caid. Immigrants from other Kingdoms are, for the most part, immune. This fact did not deter the enemy from this scheme; planning with their superior forces, to take this remaining small remnant of our army hostage and so force Caid to surrender her sovereignty and become a vassal state of theirs!
Our chevalier, as he received the pouch which was to forewarn us, asked this unknown CIA hero his name that we might honor him in perpetuity. As he sank from sight, he called his name which our man did not recognize. It sounded much like Lord Kuyper Poudredrei. Is that a French…or a Dutch persona?
CAID! FIRE! FEAR! FOES!...I mean H2O! AWAKE! Lord Kuyper Poudredrei has warned us at the cost of his life! Forewarned is forearmed, they say. Take more cold showers! Prepare for this dread attack, lest we go down to defeat!
Humbly submitted in service to Caid
Mornay of Anglesey
