Order of the Barbed Pheon

(From the August & September 1975 issue of the "frankly unofficial" newsletter of the Principality of Caid, written by Renfield of the Inland March Edmund Renfield Wanderscribe

A pun by any other name would smell as much, some say, but for others the play on words is revered as one of the world's few native arts. One pre-von Daniken wag even suggested the pun is mankind's only native form of humor--the others were introduced by aliens.

But to get to the point, the Order of the Barbed Pheon was created around New Year A.S. VIII, to honor those who excell at puns. It also serves to gather like minds together to further the art* just as more ordinary guides do for their specialties.

The idea was loosed by Renfield of the Inland March during a Council meeting of the then-Canton of Gorgonoth, as plans (& eggs) were being laid for its first tourney. After some discussion the name was agreed upon as representative of the verbal barbs thrown in the Arrowhead region--as San Bernardino is known to mundanes. (The pheon is a medieval-style arrowhead used by hunters & heralds alike).

Originating as an award for a contest, the Order of the Barbed Pheon has become an honorary organization dedicated to the defense & propagation of puns. Its members wear silver-colored pheons about their necks on silver chains**. Although only 4 have thus far won the coveted award, plans for expansion of the Order are under discussion now. Special projects may be forthcoming, perhaps in coordination with the Insulters' Guild, which 2 years ago presented a Calafian Lady with a pair of period shoes--shaped like periods (.)!

Initially the pheon was to be awarded to the most proficient punster of the first Gorgonoth tourney, but that scope has now widened. Each wit who wished to enter then was to wear a bright orange poster-board arrowhead on his person, identifying him as an entrant. Between 2 & 6 judges were selected by Lady Alys von Markheim (Alison von Markheim) & their names kept secret from all save herself. Lady Alys, having disavowed any interest in entering the contest, was chosen for her relative impartiality & Renfield was kept out of the contest's administration for precisely the contrary reason. Contestants loosed puns on all & sundry, hoping one of them would be a judge.

When this ended, Renfield & Kathe Feghut von Munchhausen whittled each other down as finalists until Renfield won.

Later that year, the October air was festooned with a 2nd Barbed Pheon competition. Renfield autocrated this one, having just 2 weeks earlier been guest-autocrat for the Barony of the Angels 'Wizard of Arggh' contest. The same judge-selection method was used, but the poster-board tags were not used (some said this was for the safety of the participants; most bystanders agreed!)

Selection of the finalists was relatively easy this time, as each of the 4 judges had his own idea of who had done well. These 4 selectees were lined up before the populace & the throne, & yet another pun-off ensued. The Incomparable Giacomo, official court jester to the Baron of the Angels, seemed to be most likely to grab the title, hands down.

When the subject of pumpkins was thrown out for dissection--as the pumpkins themselves had been but minutes earlier--an underdog, Alane of Montmaris, took the initiative & ran with it. Her competition could barely get a pun in edgewise until the competition was called to a halt. A vote of the populace, in which the entrant drawing the most groans was to win, gave a resounding acclaim for Alane.

These two awards were officially presented during Southern Twelfth Night 1974, when King Andrew of Riga was heard to exclaim amazement at the idea of actually honoring punsters.***

The Incomparable Giacomo, naturally, won his pheon in another competition during the Principality of Caid's first First Coronet and Coronation Tournament 1974, in June A.S. IX. This time preliminary selection was still less formal, the pun-off was conducted as usual during Final Court.

To those of you who would join this select order, as the French might say, "mot power to you."

FEETNOTES:

"*It also serves to gather punsters together for mutual protection."

"**One school of thought believes that the Pheon should be hanging from a 13-loop slip-knot. . ."

"***King Andrew obviously believes in the ancient idea of killing the bearer of bad news!"

From the Editor: PLAIN & PHEON-CY. . . There will be an occasional 'filler' of Barbed Pheon submissions in The Crown Prints. This should spur everyone else to send something else we can print instead!